Seeing Clearly
In a recent blog post, I wrote about the importance of distinguishing between things that exist in the real world from those which only exist inside our head.
Living in the woods affords me a lot of time to read, and I’ve learned a lot about managing our mind’s negative thoughts and emotions. Whether it’s observing Nature, Zen meditation, Stoic philosophy, or modern psychology, everyone seems to offer the same advice. When I face problems and my mind begins to engage in negative, internal dialogue, I stop to ask myself a few specific questions.
This simple practice has helped me tremendously, and I offer it here to you. Take a penny if you need one (IYKYK).
When dealing with hard problems and stresses in life, ask yourself the following questions:
Is this problem real?
This might seem like an odd question, but it’s worth taking a moment to consider. Our views on life and the way it should operate are often based on other people's ideas. These ideas can lead us to think we have a problem that doesn’t actually exist.
What is the actual problem?
When a problem comes along, most people spend a majority of their energy on finding a solution. And because most problems have solutions, how we perceive a problem will determine what answers we produce. But does our solution address the actual problem?
The lesson here is that if we don’t fully understand the problem, then the solution we come up with might not work. I often see people coming up with brilliant solutions to a problem different from the one they are trying to solve. There’s a great deal of wisdom in taking time to dissect the problem and getting to know its every aspect before you try to solve it. History teaches us that intelligent people go to great lengths to understand a problem before they search for solutions.
Am I seeing this problem from my present or past lens?
We all go through life on a timeline. We start as small children, growing into teenagers, maturing into young adults, etc. As we move through time, we gather information that stays with us. But, as time moves forward, the nature of that information can lose its precision.
As we mature and gain a better understanding of ourselves and our environment, we might find that our opinions about something we learned long ago have changed or even completely reversed. Also, the environment is in a constant state of flux, so what was true before might not be correct today. Advancements in technology can also change the value and meaning of past practices and ideas.
Update your idea about the problem before attempting to solve it. It’s common for us to work with the specific problem we define through our past ideas, environment, and technology. It requires a conscious effort to update each of these parameters, but doing so can change the nature of the problem, often making it less formidable.
Does this problem actually affect me?
The ideas we learn as a culture play into our view of the world and its rules. A problem, by definition, is a problem for someone, but not necessarily for us, or our family, team, etc. Maybe we’re trying to fix something or prevent it from breaking, not because it affects us, but because someone with an interest in a solution wants you to think the problem affects you.
Sometimes, finding solutions to these types of problems can be a service to others, but we should always be clear about what others are gaining and what it costs us. If you are being unfairly used to solve other people’s problems, or if the idea that the issue is a problem is a misperception, then your work might be over before it begins.
Is this issue under my direct control?
If you determine the problem is real, then you have an important question to ask: Do I have control of this problem? Many people fail to ask this question or find out they lack any proper control over the circumstances after they’ve invested a lot of blood, sweat, and tears.
Discerning what is under and out of our control is one of the key tenets of the Stoic philosophy. It teaches that it is futile to put our time and effort into something over which you have no control. If you discover you have direct control over the problem, then your next step is easy: take effective action.
Do I have influence over this issue?
Most problems in life are not under our direct control. But sometimes, we can still move towards a solution by exercising influence over people who have control over the problem.
Using our influence involves building relationships with those who can help fix an issue. Of course, as with any human relationship, there must be some mutual trust and possibly benefit in the matter. Burned bridges won’t help you get across the water, so don’t get in the habit of using people unfairly to solve your problems.
Using your relationships with others, however, is another way we can create some positive effect on an issue we are trying to solve. Often, when we can’t control a problem, we can find a way to exert influence on the situation. Of course, sometimes we have no control or influence.
Here, ask the following questions:
What is the worst-case scenario, and how can I best respond to it?
Many people stress over problems because they have some worst-case scenario in mind. The scenario in their head might not be grounded in reality, or it might be something that is possible, but extremely improbable. Still, it is useful to determine the worst-case scenario of a problem. Does it mean you’ll lose your job, money, time? What’s the worst negative here?
Once you understand what the worst situation is for you, then determine what skills, tools, or resources you have at your disposal to address that scenario, and your net loss if the scenario should occur. For example, if you’re about to miss a deadline at work, then what is the worst-case scenario? Are you going to be terminated, miss a chance to receive a bonus, or just feel disappointed? These results present very different circumstances.
If your worst-case scenario is that you will lose your job, then what is your plan? Wouldn’t you just get another job? Shouldn’t you have some savings to fall back on or people you’ve networked with that would love an opportunity to work with you? Will you have to get a loan or use some credit cards to get you through the next few months while you secure work?
Having a plan that addresses a worst-case scenario works wonders from eliminating the fear and stress of whatever problem you’re facing. Work this out in your head, and you’ll feel better and free up energy, lost worrying, that you can apply to more productive strategies.
What will I do with those things that lie outside of my control or influence?
Some of life’s problems will inevitably lie outside of our control and influence. Sometimes, we never realize that we cannot change our circumstances, as we invest a great deal of time, energy, and emotions into solutions that will never work. Other times, we fight the unyielding current to the very end, whether out of principle, stubbornness, or delusion.
It makes little sense to invest ourselves in unwinnable situations. When dealing with these types of problems, the best thing we can do is to recognize the situation is not under our control or influence, stop fighting against the current, accept our circumstances, and move on. The Dalai Lama has a succinct way of expressing this sentiment. He offers that if a problem is solvable, then why worry about it? And if we cannot solve it, then why worry about it?
Life is full of challenges and hardships. If we approach these problems systematically, however, we can learn to take quicker, more efficient actions to solve the problems we can control or influence. This approach can also help us recognize issues that lie beyond our control and remind us that acceptance can make the difference between being at peace with your circumstances or being tormented by them.
It is important to accept that we cannot control every situation, but we should always remember that we can control how we respond.